Too fast

Well, sometimes you just have to hand it to the police. For example, for working too fast!

Impossible, you say?

Listen to this: The Tamil Nadu Police have started a new service that encourages residents to SMS their complaints and public grievances. Well, we had one: the parking of lorries by a transport company on our street.

Parking per se was only part of the problem—it was the whole package that came with it: the young men who lived there, for one. They lived there—that should tell you the whole story. They bathed right on the front porch in their underwear, which had more holes than OJ’s defence; they brushed their teeth on the street, spitting toothpaste all over the pavement, so much so that it looked whitewashed; they were loud, talking on their cell phones late into the night.

But those weren’t exactly things we could call illegal. Parking on the street was.

We lived six or seven houses away—but it still affected us. And there was the problem. Forget personal space; even public spaces seem to feel the effects of overpopulation. In Chennai, more than 450 vehicles are registered EVERY day. And that’s according to 2006 estimates. So where does that leave the streets of Chennai?

Overcrowded, polluted, and cramped. And that leaves the residents in a foul mood. Add the weather into the mix, and it's a wonder Chennaiites have a sense of humour at all!

Most apartments do not consider parking space, or following the rules of construction, as essential. As a result, there is no space, apart from the road, for anything—playing, parking, walking, whatever.

What is the solution? Well, we thought that calling the police on their new SMS service might help in towing the lorries away. Only, our SMS was responded to immediately. And like an idiot, I didn’t check and see if the heavy vehicles were actually there when I SMSed the police.

I even placed a Rs. 1000 bet that the police would not come. But not more than five minutes later, a police car pulled up, in front of our house. And, dammit, the lorries were not parked on our street!

The police seemed irritated. But really, who knew they'll respond so quickly? Haven't they seen any Tamil movies at all?

The police said that parking any vehicle, on the street was illegal, not just parking lorries. So, he said, since he was already there, he’d write a challan for all the cars parked on the street. Which, of course, belonged to our neighbours. Fining them was fine by us, but that wasn’t too neighbourly and all, you see.

The police also advised us, “If you’re in danger, you know, your neighbours are the ones who will help you. We’ll be here, gone tomorrow.” Whoa! Wait a second there—back up a bit, I wanted to scream! Isn’t the police supposed to be there you’re in danger? I thought that was a big part of what the police did?

Anyway, after a lot of back and forth, and after attracting a crowd, the police went about their jobs.

And now, we’re scared that the neighbours are plotting to kill us. Maybe they’ll run us over by the lorries—that would be poetic justice. Or injustice. Whatever.

“Next time, check and see before you SMS us,” one of the policemen said. Good advice!

But anyway, here’s the number: 9500099100